Staycation!

Elbow hates when I write about him. At least I don't use his real name. And it is a very small audience. My readership varies from 0 to 10 viewers tops. Awesome!

This week Elbow is home on a staycation because he originally planned a trip to the Orient (no one says that anymore) but couldn't go because he decided to buy a house instead. So this week he has made no fewer than 17 trips to Lowe's. Fruits of labor include a grill, a pressure washer, a small trashcan that he modified with a kitchen knife to fit in the pull-out drawer, a workout "cage," and a second grill to replace the first one that was returned for being not-quite right.

He pressure washed the entire house over three days, and drove the stay-at-home neighbor ladies wild by running around shirtless. But enough about Elbow.

I'm not supposed to post pictures of the house up yet, so I'm attaching a photo of a house that may or may not be the one in which we are residing. Once we finally get all the boxes of textbooks (really!) unpacked, I'll post more photos.

A house that love built

For now I have to get back to work. I am currently proofing a document that includes the phrase "sphincter-saving procedures" several times.

Timing is Everything

Today I opened the door of Avenue Cafe directly into the head of a blond toddler. I was like, what is this hard object that is coming between me and a turkey BLT (TLT?)? Before I could give the door another good heave-ho, the kid started wailing and I immediately felt like a child abuser. I didn't know! Why was he taking a nap in front of the opaque wooden door?

I apologized profusely and the mother ignored me while she tended to her little darling. But it ended up being fine. Just bad timing.

Which brings me to my 6:30 a.m. discovery: A tree has fallen on our new house. I'm being dramatic. The branch is actually straddling the property line between our yard and the neighbor's. It took out a large chunk of their brick wall, which is now strewn over our grass.

This is a matter of good timing, though, because we don't move in until next week. The former owners are "leasing" from us (for free) until the 12th. So the jerks better get that mess cleaned up by next Wednesday or we're crackin' skulls and not inviting them to barbecue. Just kidding! (No I'm really not.)

And here's my final point about timing: it's TIME for me to get a stupid i-Phone. I need to take pictures of things like fallen trees and you can't do that with a $30 GO phone. FYI, the GO phone is awesome for traveling. You only have to charge it every fifth night. But it does not take pictures. And it doesn't pull up google maps or Facebook or angry birds or whatever it is everyone plays. Elbow gets these messages that pop up on his i-Pad that say something like "The dark tower on the ninth floor is ready for summer inventory" which is apparently related to a game that he play for six hours straight at work.

I am missing out!

Our own little piece of floodzone

Yesterday Elbow and I closed on a house. I know this is supposed to be a momentous occasion for us, so we skipped out of the building, chugged a bottle of champagne and hitched a ride on a horse buggy for a "romantic tour of the historic French Quarter" while tossing rose petals at the passerby.

Psych.

What we really did was go eat Mexican food with our realtor and her husband and compared memories of our economically depressed hometowns. Ha ha. We scoff at the people we grew up with who buy bigger houses than ours at 1/6 of the price, like you can in parts of West Virginia. They don't get to carry their open beers on the streets or ride the streetcar to the strip clubs like we can. Of course they don't have streets because they all live on back roads in the "holler" and have mailing addresses that start with "Rural Route . . ."

I'm only poking fun because I'm sorta homesick. Summer time is lovely in West Virginia and the surrounding area. I'm envious of all of my friends who are enjoying nighttime Pirates games and swimming at Mule's Hole or camping at High Falls of Cheat. That's the best.

It's great to camp in Louisiana, too. Mosquitos that draw blood and heatstroke are awesome. And you can only go October-March. The only people who sleep outside this time of year are the ones who passed out on Bourbon Street.

Once we move in, I'll post pics of the new house!