The Power of the "P"

First a disclaimer: I think all boys are gross except for Elbow.

Having said that I now have to tell all my single lady friends about the secret I learned today. No, not that lame-ass book that everybody went crazy for in 2008. But the real secret to meeting men. Ready for it?

It's Pittsburgh Pirates gear. Wear it and they will come.

Today I went to the coffee shop at an absurdly early hour to study (I'm a student now) and because I'm taking the whole college thing way too far, I didn't shower. Instead, I wore my green Pittsburgh Pirates ladies cap with the ponytail sticking through in the back. I thought this look maybe said "soccer mom" or "unfashionable" but apparently the guys at CC's coffee took this to mean "wants to chat about PNC Park for hours."

The first guy waved at me when I walked in like we were friends. I ignored him until he stopped me midway to a table to tell me all about his trip to Pittsburgh and to PNC Park and to the Heinz History museum and he even bought a frickin' trivia book about Pittsburgh. "Most bridges in the world. Venice is second." We could have gone on like this forever, because the conversation had somehow switched its focus to the Saints and boy do they like to talk about them Saints boys down here. I had to sorta back and away and look busy.

Then when I was leaving, I was all strapped down with my book bag and my coffee and yet another gentleman calls out "you from Pittsburgh?" And I'm thinking really? I'm just trying to ride my old beat up bicycle back to my house. And it was more PNC Park and Penn Avenue and beautiful city and kickball league and yada yada. If I were single, I would have loved the attention. Since I am not single, and I was un-showered, I did not. BUT, my point is that it's a great ice breaker. Men and sports; girls and ball caps. Give it a whirl.

Now obviously this tactic is not going to work if you are currently in Pittsburgh. Because then people know you really haven't showered yet when you're wearing that cap. And you don't stick out in the crowd, because every person in the building is wearing either Steelers, Pens or Buccos gear. Do not try this in Pittsburgh! Do it on vacation or at your sibling's place in Denver or Massachusetts.

In other news, this city is truly the friendliest place I have ever been. And smiley! They love to chat and to smile. Come visit.

Red Dress Run aka Pass Out At Three p.m.

Saturday was the Red Dress Run, a big benefit, used-to-be-a-real-run, bar crawl held by the Hash House Harriers, a drinking club with a running problem. Their words, not mine. Apparently, the running group is really fun. You drink a beer and go run. Then you drink some more. They also give each other ridiculous nicknames like "Skin Whistle" and "Blind Dog" and "Sleeps with the Fishes." We may try it out.

But, what we did try out is their annual giant run. And I got some good pics. Please see below. Tomorrow I'll tell you all about donating to the thrift store as part of my junior league obligation. This story is way more entertaining than it sounds. I cleaned out Elbow's closet. And there are some real gems in there. I also have a volunteer shift at the store tomorrow, so I'm wearing my helmet.

Your hostess. Dress: $5, lace leggings: $7

Tailgate

Sardines

Scottish Hashers

Hey Man, I saw your picture on the internet

The first bar we entered

Hipster Police! He's here to make sure no one is wearing GAP

Show us your . . .

Some people actually looked cute

Do everything you can to avoid this station

chillin'

A very popular dog at a gay bar

Some dude's butt

He waited his whole life to show the world the "real me"

Loving it

Did you spot Elbow?

Coy is really spelled "Koi." Oops.

My mother was nice enough to point out that I spelled the fish name wrong. Coy=coquettish. Koi=the four fish we have swimming in our pond.

We bought three more fish on Sunday. Blanco, Red Head and Pimpie. Guess who named the last two? Well, it's sad but Blanco already kicked the bucket. He got sucked into the fountain tube which we had no idea could happen until Elbow pulled his little body out of there after tinkering with the fountain to figure out why it wasn't working. Case closed.

I had another job interview today!!! I have to admit that interview #2 is the one I really want. Number 1 already rejected me very politely (losers) but 2 and 3 . . . we'll have to see. Number 3 would be fairly satisfying, as well. They are very different. One is health care related and one involves shopping!!!

The New Orleans Bingo Show was frickin' fun! Go if you get the chance. There was a hot chick and lots of good music and of course, Bingo. Someone in our party won the game and then the dance contest. If you win, be prepared to celebrate in an unexpected way. That's all I'm sayin'.

Red Dress photos will be posted tomorrow. It's worth the wait!

Emergency Fish Rescue

The thing about New Orleans is that it floods.
Tropical Depression 5 hit big time today and went right for our jugular: our new pets.
Blackie and Fire Star were nearly swept right out of their pond today when rising water levels came close to sweeping them into the tiny rivers and ponds forming all over the courtyard.

It was raining cats and dogs so I thought, "I better check on the fish in case their water level gets too high and they can just swim--whoa! Holy crap!" Blackie and Star Fire were literally eye level with the top of their pond walls, peering over like, "What's out there? Let's go see!"

The pet store guy warned us this could happen. He said, "They could just swim right out." In New Orleans, people must lose their coy like this every day.

I had to run out in the pounding rain and lightning and fill up bucket after bucket of water until the level was back down. I didn't waste it all, though. I used one bucket's worth to water the indoor plants who looked might jealous of the shrubbery outside. 

Flooding here is no joke. It rained the night before last and Elbow said it was crazy trying to get to work the next day. Whole streets were under water and people were walking in puddles up to their waists! Even crazier is that he said no one really knew what to do about it. They all sat in their cars, all dammed up waiting for God to come down with a huge vacuum or something. You would think that here, of all places in the U.S., they might have a plan. But that's N'awlins.

Our genius fish trying to eat rain drops

The puddle that B and SF were eyeing

Tropical paradise

This is Crazy! TV salaries . . .

Did you know that frickin' Jon Cryer makes $550,000 per episode?! of Two and a Half Men? Have you ever seen this show? There's a laugh track, for pete's sake. I have never not enjoyed an episode of television as much as I did not enjoy Two and a Half Men. Terrible. And Charlie Sheen, wife beater and alkie, makes 1.25 million dollars per episode!!! That's reasonable crazy.
Nothing to do with New Orleans but I just had to rant about that. Everyone's favorite mystery man Jon Hamm makes $100,000 a year and my personal favorite Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) only makes $75,000 a year. Arie from Entourage pulls in $375,000/year, which I think is completely fair because that man is funny!!!
Here's the list of salaries: http://tv.gawker.com/5611209/how-much-do-your-favorite-tv-stars-get-paid?skyline=true&s=i


Tomorrow is the Red Dress Run and the New Orleans Bingo Group--I'll have a full report on festivities then.

Fishes! Dresses! Steelers!

Pick your favorite of the three. We got 'em all down here.

First, one of the great things about New Orleans is participating in quirky, fun events, like the Red Dress Run this weekend. Everyone (all 7,000 participants) don a red dress and run through the French Quarter. And the best part: you run from BAR to BAR. Apparently it used to be a real run with real runners who signed up but it sounds like this year it's more like a bar crawl on Bourbon Street. But we'll see . . .

Elbow's Sunday Best

I just went to a store called "Citi Trendz" and got our dresses. Here's the one I picked for Elbow. Do you think he'll like it?

In other news, we got fish! Three of them. One of them died, though. Poor little fella. Here's his pic:

R.I.P.

 

 

 

 

Here's the live, happy fish:

Blackie and Starfire

The finished Pond:

One last thing. We stopped into the resident Steelers Bar on Sunday and received devastating news. They are closing. In the fall or winter. What?! Can't you wait until after the Super Bowl? The bartender is from Point Breeze and he was three sheets to the wind. Here's some pics:

Outside. This area is called the Irish Channel. This bar is sorta like Gooski's but with fewer hipsters.

Ubiquitous sticker-ing.

Lookout! Diabetic at the Food Bank!

Since I'm not currently employed I decided to take this time to "give back to my community." My community does not want me to help it clean up oil-soaked birds, BUT my community does need help at the food bank sorting donations.

This morning I drove to a part of town known as Elmwood to a warehouse where I received orientation and was given the post of "soup" and "fruit." Here's a tip: If you ever volunteer to sort at a food bank, pick the soup lane only if you want to stay really busy. People love to donate cans of soup. And cans of fruit. The coordinator said that requests for donations to Southern Louisiana's food banks have increased by 25% since BP's near-miss attempt to ruin the gulf.

Me and my neighbor J were busy as all get out in those lanes. And we only had one scale to weigh our boxes before we taped them up and labeled and stacked them. J was part of the legal team of a certain bank that I will not name but you may associate them with vikings who walk poodles and shop on Rodeo Drive.

I now associate them with passing out in extreme heat and banging my face off the floor. That's right. I passed out. Three times.

It was getting really hot in there and I started to feel dizzy but I had no idea what was coming. I had food and my glucometer in the car, so I asked, R, the kid who had biked from New York to Florida on a charity ride and then flown to New Orleans to help out with the gulf, to watch the soup line while I took a break.

I didn't take a break. I took a spill. I woke up on the bathroom floor. Have you ever had one of these moments? Not since college, right? But I think I was actually dreaming on that cool cement floor. Thank God none of the lawyers found me! ;-) I got myself up and then next thing I knew, I was sitting against the bathroom door, crouched like a broken gargoyle statue. It was getting really embarrassing so I had to get myself to the break room and then to some food STAT.

I actually got myself into the arms of Y, HR manager and saint. She literally carried me into the break room and sat me down. I had passed out right in front of her office window. Exciting day for work.

To make a long story short, I had to down a coke and eat somebody's hard candies until my blood sugar was back to normal. Type 1 Diabetes is fun-just ask Shelby from Steel Magnolias. There was an accident report and M, the coordinator, suggested I go home instead of back into the food-sorting inferno. I took her advice. Before I left she told me that there are shifts open on Thursday, when a group of girl scouts are supposed to come help. I'm thinking it over. It might be especially scary to come to on a cement floor, huddled under a bunch of eager munchkins. But, then again, maybe I can help them get their first aid badges.

I got my only B in handwriting, celebrity house pic

Back in second grade, I could not get straight A's because my handwriting was so crappy. When we graduated to cursive, I probably got demoted to a C.
I just had to write a "business" letter by hand in cursive and it was incredibly hard and tedious. I actually messed up and had to start over. Just so you know, the hardest letters are m and n. I always add an extra hump.

Here's where the Real World Ivy Leaguers lived

In other news, I took a picture of the house where they filmed Real World New Orleans. It's just down the street and across St. Charles from us. I can't decide if my favorite character is the Mississippi girl who doesn't actually move her mouth while talking or the blond haired dude who pines for attention but is so obviously not into it. Here's the house.

Cheese Tasting! Public Advisory: Avoid the Esrom

Last night we went to our second cheese tasting class at St. James Cheese. I had to drag Elbow to the first one, but he actually suggested we attend this one. We tried six Northern European "cheeses." I use quotation marks because one was more like nutella. It is called Gjetost and is from Norway. It looks like a caramel. In the picture it is at 1:00.

Counter clockwise form 12:00: Danish Esrom (gag), Danbo, Adellagger, Pittig Gouda, Bel Achelesse and Gjetost (caramel cheese)

The best was the gouda-delicious. I could barely choke down the Bel Achelesse. Ditto the Esrom. I admit it: I hate most stinky cheese. I have an undeveloped palate. But we met a very nice couple who I asked on a dinner date. You have to put yourself out there when you're new to the city and need friends.
In other news, just had a job interview for my dream job. Everyone keep your fingers crossed.
Going to see my Popaw in Biloxi this weekend. He asked me what kind of pie I'd like him to make: cherry or apple. My 86-year-old grandfather bakes pies and I struggle with cutting up strawberries.

Ho Hum, another lizard, another triple-digit temperature day

So far I haven't been met with any traditionally crazy New Orleans-type situations. I hear stories all of the time about how everything here takes longer and is more complicated than necessary-getting a drivers license or calling the cable guy, for example-but I have not had any of those experiences. I'm sorry. As soon as something crazy happens, which it most certainly will now that I've jinxed myself, I'll let you know.

This is a dumb joke, but doesn't it look like they spelled "avenue" wrong?

There may be a miraculous lack of red tape, but there is no lack of weird crap arriving in the mail. We received this notice about picking up a package at the nearest post office. Apparently the post office is on a street I've never seen before: Louisiana Avenew.

This guy wanted my finger BAD.

In other news, I found another, bigger, lizard in the guest room. Ironic that I keep finding unwanted guests that I have to kick out or kill in there. But, I caught the lizard to carry him outside and he freakin' BIT me! Like clamped down and held on for dear life. It didn't draw blood but it scared me pretty well. We took a picture of him, too.
Yes, it's still hot down here, in case you were wondering.